please come you make the beer taste better
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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