I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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