Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
