so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
