I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
