i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize