i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
