I wish I could punch you in the face.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
