how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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