Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
