You're so nebulous sometimes
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
