Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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