My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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