worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
