You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
