Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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