I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
