I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
