At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
