i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
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I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
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She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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