i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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