Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
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he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
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..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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