True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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