Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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