wat bout pragnant strippers??
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
