the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
