Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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