Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
