I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
