Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
