I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
