in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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