On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
