im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
