I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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