I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
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