Having a random hookup so left but love u
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
