just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
