i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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