he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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