You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
