"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Duck Duck Cougar?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
