There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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