Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
