I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Small penises have feelings too.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
