woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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