How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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