Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
