Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
