No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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