I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
