Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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