Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
