How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
