Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
