I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
people are starting to question the shark bite story
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
