What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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