My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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