...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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