Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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