3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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