I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
