I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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