If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
