We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
