woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
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dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
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Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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