sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
