I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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