I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
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You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
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Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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