It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
