think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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