the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
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I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
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I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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