Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
