I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
