I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
